This story has been told many times to friends and family over the years. When I tell it during a speaking engagements it gets a big laugh. I Hope you will enjoy this summertime story as well.
Years ago, when the kids were still little, I decided to take them to the local water park for the day. Colton and Kelsey were big enough to go off with friends and swim but Caleb and Cassady were still too little for the big pool, so we hung out at the kiddie pool. Caleb was not yet two and Cassady was about three at the time.
When we arrived at the park and began to unload our stuff, we looked like the circus had come to town. I had diaper bags and strollers, sippy cups and baby bottles, towels and floaties, and other bags full of snacks, water bottles and toys. Not to mention the four little chicks that followed close behind. Colton would push one stroller while I pushed the other stroller full of supplies for the day. Kelsey would try to keep Cassady under control while I dug around in my purse for the money to get us in. Once we made it in to the park EVERYBODY had to go pee. This would take forever because the older ones and I would have to take turns going to the bathroom and watching our stuff. Then, of course, a diaper would need to be changed. While I would be changing the baby, Cassady, the wild child, would be picking up nasty stuff off the bathroom floor and looking under the stalls and telling me what the people were doing in there! Colton and Kelsey, who by now were tired of waiting outside the bathroom would poke their head in to hurry me up so they could go swim.
See what I mean?
An absolute circus!
Once we finally made it to the kiddy pool and set up camp, everything went pretty smooth. Hanging out at the kiddy pool may not sound like a lot of fun but it was within my comfort zone. No beach bodies here, just us moms. Like most, I had given birth to multiple children and still had the baby weight gain to prove it. I was white as a sheet. I wore a, less than attractive, bathing suit with a skirt built right in to hide my birthing hips that had come in so handy the years before…but now….they were grim reminder that I had let myself go. I was feeling frumpy to say the least. Fortunately all of the woman at the kiddy pool had the same problem so no one passed judgement on the other (at least that’s what I told myself).
Just about the time I started to relax and not worry about body or how I looked…..I saw it…I mean her. Dear lord! It was a female body builder! Why is she here, I thought… at the kiddy pool of all places! This woman was the picture of physical perfection. She stood straight and tall with her chin a little higher than everybody else. She had no expression on her face whatsoever except for the , I could beat your head in the ground if I wanted to, look. She must have been six feet tall and was toned from head to toe. Not one ounce of fat was on her stupid body! Her skin was the blackest skin I had ever seen on a human being, and she was clean shaven from the neck down, not a hair in sight (come to think of it I probably need to shave). And on that slick, jet black, rock hard body was the smallest, electric orange bikini I had ever seen! Actually, it was a thong! A bright, orange, thong, bathing suit….at the kiddy pool!! Can you feel my pain?
As I watched her parade by, I sat there with my mouth gapped open, a little bit angry and a whole lot jealous. My hips began to feel bigger, my skin felt whiter and that little skirt that was sewn into my bathing suit bottom was feeling more like a moo-moo! The jealousy quickly turned into anger.
What is she doing here?
Is there a camera hidden somewhere?
Is this candid camera? Because if it is….nobody’s laughing! This ain’t funny!
Not only did she walk around the kiddy pool, she decided to park her rock hard body right smack dab in the middle of the mommy section! I began to see red. We could take her, I thought. If all of us moms work together we could pick her up and toss her into the wave pool. Who was I kidding, that woman could mash me like a bug and I knew it!
Soon thereafter, Cassady noticed her. This made me very nervous because I knew, as soon as she had the chance, she would wander her way over to the the woman and ask her things like, why is your skin so black? Why do you have your bootie showing? Or, are you a man? (it’s happened before!) I could see Cassady watching her. I could also see the wheels turning in her little head! So, for the rest of the day, I did everything I could to make sure Cassady didn’t get me beat up by this woman.
Finally, after a very stressful few hours, it was time for us to pack up the circus and head back home. I had been successful at preventing Cassady from embarrassing me and now it was time to get outta dodge while the gettin’ was good! We gathered all of our belongings and began to caravan out of the park. We were almost to the gate when suddenly, seemingly from nowhere, the body building phenomenon appeared, just to my left. I began to walk faster, while Cassady toddled slowly in front of me. I gently pushed her along to make her move faster when, all of a sudden, the woman bent over right in front of Cassady, to pick up her towel. At that precise moment, as if it was ordained by God himself, Cassady reached over and poked that woman in the behind with her finger, and said, “I see your bootie!”
well….she did it!
After hours of careful watching, she managed to embarrass the fool out of me! I just knew the woman was gonna beat me like a yard dog! After Cassady had poked her, the woman quickly turned around to see who had poked her and at that same instant I grabbed Cassady and sprinted to the gate. I didn’t apologize, I didnt wait to see what her response was. Before she even had a chance to react, we were gone!
This is just one of the many embarrassing Cassady moments I have had to endure over the years. Of course she doesn’t remember any of this, but I do. It will forever be ingrained in my mind!