If you took a world globe and gave it a spin, and then stopped when you got to the United States of America and put your finger on the state of Oklahoma, and work your finger up to the north east portion of the state, you would then find the city of Tulsa. From Tulsa, if you were to follow interstate 412, east, for about 18 miles, you would run smack dab into a little town called Catoosa.
Ahhh Catoosa, home of the famous blue whale, the hard rock casino and the most annoying police in the world! By annoying I mean impossible, picky, sneaky, obviously bored, and down right heartless! They are invisible, You never see them until its too late! They never listen to reason or even care why you didnt stop at the red light, and they never take a day off, EVER!
How do I know this? Because I have been stopped by the Catoose police more times than I care to remember.
I do, however, remember a few…
The First time was for speeding
The second time was for speeding
The third time was for running a red light (not my fault, I didn’t see it!)
The fourth time was because my tag light was out!
Then there was the time I hit a big orange Construction barrel and knocked off my side mirror (it was too close to the road!)
The fifth time was yesterday….for speeding…again…I could not believe I was getting stopped again. I was positive the speed limit was 65! I was only going 69! BUT I was wrong… again….the speed limit was 55 and I got caught red handed! This time though it wasn’t one of Catoosa’s finest that was pulling me over, it was a state trooper. When I saw him make a u turn in the middle of the road I knew I was busted. As the blue lights flashed in my rear view mirror, I pulled over to the side of the road. My mind was racing, wondering what I would say to get myself out of another ticket. He walked up to my window and informed me that I was, in fact, going 14 miles over the speed limit and then asked to see my license. He looked at it, smiled and told me it was just going to be a warning this time!
Now THAT’S my kind of officer! I wanted to grab him by his tie, pull him through the window and give him a big fat kiss on the lips….but I opted not to. Instead I just flashed him a big ol’ southern smile and, “thank you sir!”
Caleb said, “mom, I think he let you off because you’re wearing a pink sweater and pearls and you have two kids in the car, he probably thinks you’re not a real threat.”
I think God just heard my pleas for mercy! (thank you Lord and I promise to watch my speed)
The other times, however, did not result in such a happy ending.
Every time I go to church, or take the kids to school, or go to the mall, I have to drive through Catoosa. I am usually very conscious about my speed (except for those five times I was caught). One night as I was driving home from church, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw those stupid blue lights again! I couldn’t believe it. I was sure, I was positive that I was not speeding! Why on earth were they pulling me over this time? Were they board? My mind was racing….what did I do now?
As I pulled over, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw, what looked like, the Shoney’s Big Boy walking my way. I’m not kidding! Do you remember when Shoney’s used to have the Shoney’s Big Boy statue standing in front of the restaurant? He had a big pot belly, was wearing blue checkerd overalls and he was holding a hamburger in his right hand, high over his head for all to see. Do you remember him? Well, that’s who pulled me over that night! Up he walked, with is big belly, wavy brown hair, rosy cheeks, big jolly grin and large, boyish, brown eyes. I felt ilke I needed to order a hamburger with some onionrings and a milk shake! He looked like an overgrown twelve year old. I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and talk to him like a baby.
This is gonna be a piece of cake, I thought. How can anybody, so cute and cuddly be mean enough to give me a ticket? As I rolled down my window he smiled real big and said, “howdy ma’am, how are you doin’ tonight? If you don’t mind, I need to see your license and proof of insurance please.” He was absolutely drippin’ with sugar!. As I handed him my papers he said, “now ma’am, do you have any idea why I pulled you over?” “I have no idea”, I said, “I wasn’t speeding so I’m not sure why you would stop me.” He said, “well ma’am, your tag light is out.”
WHAT? Is he kidding me? There are little old ladies being knocked in the head and tackled to the ground for their purse. Churches are being stripped of their air conditioners for the copper wire by thugs that won’t get a real job. Meth labs are being operated out of car trunks as we speak and he is wasting his time (and mine) because I have a tag light out?
After he informed me of my offense, he looked at my license and said, “ok ma’am, if you’ll just sit tight right here I’ll be back in just a minute.” I wasn’t sure what he was doing back there in his car. Checking my license maybe? Talking to his mommy on the phone? Surly he couldn’t be giving me a ticket for something so trivial….I’m sure it’s just a warning, I thought.
In just a few minutes he came back and with his Big Boy grin, and handed me a ticket for $175! Needless to say, I was furious! I wanted to say, isn’t it past your bedtime honey? Does your mother know you’re on the streets harassing innocent women? But I didn’t, I just flashed my Barbie doll smile at his Big Boy grin and drove off!
There was a Shoney’s somewhere that night, missing their Big Boy and I found him in Catoosa. Instead of serving burgers he was serving tickets.
Oh well, you win some, you loose some 😉