I’m not brave enough to wear an elastic top, staples dress out in public.

I will never know what it’s like to rock a deep dark tan.

Michelle has one tooth too many.

Its time for a pedicure.

Anthony Weiner needs to change his name.

I could handle an iv drip of Alfredo sauce.

Puppy breath never gets old.

Kim Kardashian needs to stop it.

A mixing bowl of fruit loops with whole milk at midnight is ok if you’ve had a bad day.

The left lane is not for slow drivers, it’s for PASSING the slow drivers.

There’s nothing sweeter than a newly bathed baby in a onesie.

I will never like plain water.

Chocolate chip cookies are gonna be the death of me.

I will always tap my toe to Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Business owners should not star in their own commercials.

I will forever regret selling my red MGB convertible.

I’m NOT a red neck…but my family might be.

Nancy Grace is the single most annoying person ever…period.

My chin hair grows faster than the hair on my head.

I could eat my weight in bread pudding (can you tell I’m on a low carb diet?)

Spanx is a sign from God that working out is not necessary.

I will never enjoy Sudoku.

A new purse makes the world right again.

By the ocean, I belong.


There’s only one man on this earth that God created just for me, and I found him 😉

Mothering four children is my single greatest accomplishment.

I’m a terrible speller.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Laughter IS the best medicine and it’s free!

Worry is a waste of time.

A true friend is worth more than all of the gold in the world.

Cockroaches are of the Devil.

And last…but not least…I am absolutely positive that God has a plan for my life…a good plan, a plan to prosper me, not to bring me any harm, and a plan to give me a future filled with hope.

What else could a girl ask for? The creator of the Universe has a plan for me!

And guess what? He has a plan for you too!

Jeremiah 29:11

Thanks for reading! Love you more than bubble wrap 😉